December 16 is a difficult day for me. Three years ago today, God took home the biggest influence in my life, my mom, Margaret. It’s a mixed day for me…remembering our very special times together and enjoying those memories, and also still grieving the loss of her in my life.We had such a special mother-daughter relationship. We would talk almost every day, either on the phone, or I would stop in to visit her. We only lived just a few minutes apart. I would make sure we would see her as much as we could during the week. We would spend time talking over coffee at her kitchen table. We would garden together. We would clean each other’s homes together. We would go to lunch together, especially on Wednesdays after our BSF class. We would shop together. We did so much together!
Mom was such an important part of Ali’s and Zach’s lives. She was a “hands on” grandma. She loved all of her grandkids so much. She would make sure she attended as many of their events as she possibly could, and loved doing so. Ali and Zach loved her so much!
I miss her terribly. The day she left this earth, I thought I was going to die. A part of me did die that day, and I can truly say, I haven’t been the same since. A part of me is missing…no one really understands this until they lose someone they love so much. Yes, my life has gone on, but it’s not the same. Mom was my encourager…she always knew what to say to make a difference in the very moment I needed someone to breathe belief in me. She would keep me balanced…and would help me see when I was “burning the candle at both ends.” (She used to tell me I was doing that quite often…and she was right!) She would celebrate with me, cry with me, laugh with me…she understood me unlike anyone else.
She would iron and mend my clothes, which makes me smile now. As I was ironing my black pants this morning, how I missed her all the more! She would make my birthday extra special. (My birthday is coming up this month…that is the 2nd hardest day for me in missing her!) We would spend time together on my birthday, and she would always have something special for me…one year she quilted me a beatiful Christmas tree skirt, and the following year, she quilted me a beautiful Christmas table runner. I cherish these Christmas decorations! They are so beautiful…I still have pinned to the Christmas tree skirt the note she wrote with it when she gave it to me…”Every stitch is filled with lots of love. Happy Birthday! Love, Mom”
Mom was beautiful on the inside and out. She was reserved and quiet, yet she had such a sense of humor too. Her laugh was sweet, and her voice was beautiful…oh, how I miss her voice! Many people say I look like her…and I do! What a compliment! Two weeks ago at Ali’s show choir concert, I soaked in a moment when on the stage I saw Mom in Ali! She looked like Mom’s graduation picture up there on the stage! When I showed Ali Mom’s picture, and compared it to how Ali looked in the pictures I took that night, she couldn’t see the resemblance…boy I sure could! That was truly a cool experience for me!
I know Mom is with Jesus in heaven, and I know it was time for her to go home. Selfishly, I want her back. The night before she died when Ali and I visited her in the hospital, Mom was talking about Christmas and trying to figure out how we were going to do Christmas in her hospital room. Then out of the blue she said to me, and I will never forget it…”I just want to close my eyes, and let what’s supposed to happen, happen.” Tears filled my eyes, but trying to remain strong, I said back to her, “Just close your eyes Mom, it’s ok.”
She closed her eyes one final time that next morning, and I know when she opened them again, she saw the most amazing sight…Jesus was taking her home. That thought brings me joy beyond comprehension, even on such a painful day like today. She chose to put her faith in Jesus as her Savior, and so have I…so I know it’s only a matter of time until we see each other again. I loved my mom, beyond what I can describe. Through tears today I’m remembering all that she was to so many people, especially to me!
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