I stood on the scale in disbelief.
“What?? This number can’t be right. Seriously. How in the world did I get here?!”
I hadn’t seen that large of a number on the scale in years. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
I decided a long time ago that weighing myself every day wasn’t such a good idea. Once a week, maybe, but most certainly not every day. All too often I allowed the scale’s number to dictate my worth, and consequently, dictate my day.
I had to stop that daily madness.
But it had been weeks since I stepped on that thing, and I guess if I would have sooner, I might have avoided this shocking experience.
To top it all off, I weighed myself at night, before bed.
Who does that?? I’ll tell you who… no one in her right mind.
“How did I get here?”
I kept asking myself over and over.
Did I think the scale was going to lie?? Did I really believe that just because my clothes were fitting “differently” that the scale wouldn’t display reality??
It quickly became clear how I got there.
Desserts. Oh, the desserts. Eating out too often. Indulging in “comfort food” way too much because, goodness, “I deserved it.” And yes, life was “too busy” for me to find time to exercise.
In that moment of realization, it was as if I woke up from a slumber.
I woke up to reality.
Two choices were facing me:
1) I could either tear myself apart with destructive, debilitating, defaming self-talk. I could take myself to the lowest of lows, because after all, I deserved to go there, or
2) I could use this moment as a springboard to become better. I could right then “stop the madness,” and commit to making positive changes immediately to move myself in a new direction… one of health, wholeness, and well-being.
Before crawling into bed that night I chose the second option. I chose to allow this alarming reality check to help me, not to hurt me. I surprisingly looked forward to waking in the morning with a plan and a purpose. A healthier me was in the works.
Unpleasant as they might be, alarming reality checks such as this are what it sometimes takes to wake me up.
You might understand. What reality has hit you recently? Did you find yourself down a path you weren’t intending to travel? What circumstance woke you up to the actuality of your present life? Did life–or something else–distract you, and all at once you realized you weren’t where you wanted to be? Maybe it had nothing to do with your health, but a different area of your life?
And you asked yourself the question,
“How did I get here?”
It may not feel good at the time, but asking this question is the beginning of awareness, causing us to reevaluate, readjust where needed, and regroup when necessary. Even if the number on the scale shocks us. Even if we find ourselves down a path we didn’t ever want to be on. Even if we’re forced to take a hard look at ourselves and our lives.
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2
A reality check of “how did I get here?” can get us back on track for God’s best for our lives.
And yes, a healthier me is still in the works.
Blessings to you today, friend!
Julie
Join me as I link up with Kelly and friends at #RaRaLinkup and Holly and friends at #TestimonyTuesday. It’s a joy to partner in encouragement with these two places and the women who host them.
That is the worst reality check, isn’t it? I am on the path right now to recovering from so many and choices and getting on the path to healthy. My excuse was trying to finish my career and being so emotionally and physically exhausted. Hmmm-I wouldn’t have been so exhausted if I had chosen to be healthy!!! Thank you for this reminder and I will be praying and cheering you on from here as we both fix our eyes on where God wants us to be!!!
PS. I thought maybe at one time you were coming to the FMF retreat. Are you still able to or has your schedule changed?? I was hoping to meet you!!! 🙂
Amen, Mary. I’m praying for us too… all of us who have found ourselves in a place we never intended to be. Thank you! Regarding the FMF retreat, that weekend is our 23rd wedding anniversary. I have a hard time justifying attending the retreat. My husband says to go, but I haven’t been able to hit the register button just yet. I’ll let you know if I decide to go with it! I would love to meet you too!!
Oh girl. You got me there. That number on the scale has been my worst enemy for a while now! But I too am gaining ground – instead of pounds! And the verse – we fool ourselves into a laxness until we wonder how we got here. Food for thought. Thanks for the reminder on #RaRalinkup today!
Good for you, Ruthie! That’s awesome. Keep your eyes fixed on where you’re headed and on the One who’s leading you. Blessings to you! Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts here.
For me…right now, actually. Something changed in my body, and the upper abdominal pain that was severe and debilitating is now intolerable…and I mean bang-your-head-against-the-wall-to-knock-yourself-out intolerable. Thus, the pancreatic malignancy…full of surprises.
I certainly didn’t want to be on this road…career ended, dying in pain, dreams in tatters…but I can witness from here, first, that God did NOT ‘send’this. It’s just life in a fallen world. He love me, and is holding me up, so that I can write in hope, and write about hope. Not for a ‘signs and wonders miracle cure’, though a healing would be nice.
No, I can write about what it’s like to find the jewels that make life worthwhile, even in the pain, even in the fear, even in the heartache. I can write about nurturing the hope that I can be my best, the best version of myself, every day. It takes faith, sure, but most of all it takes the disciple to nurture that hope, even when – as today – things seem very dark indeed.
I can help people find that. By example, of course, but also by looking inward, to see what I’m actually DOING, in my heart, in my soul, and with my hands and feet, to make a space where hope can grow. And I can describe that.
I hope this is coherent; pain is as bad as it’s ever been, a chainsaw to the midsection.
Andrew, I’m sorry to read the pain has become intolerable today. I am praying God supernaturally calms it and gives you a reprieve from it. Praying for you now. My friend’s 22-year old daughter has pancreatic cancer. Both of you are in my prayers daily. Yes, God loves you, and I agree with you He did not ‘send’ this. He is using you and your story to encourage and bless others. Don’t stop sharing and writing. Will continue to pray. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your story here.
Julie, I truly, truly appreciate the prayers. It is a nasty morning.
Made worse by the death of one of my beloved geriatric Pit Bulls, a sweet and happy girl named Tammy. She was at least fifteen, but acted like a pup until two days ago, when she went south, fast. She died this morning, and the whole crew are mourning her. Twenty dogs in the house, and it is completely quiet.
will keep you friend’s daughter in my prayers. Twenty-two is entirely too young. I am so very sorry.
I’m sorry to read about Tammy. I can only imagine the mourning you and the crew are going through. Glad we can at least pray for each other in times like these. God be with you, brother.
Needed this today, Julie, it’s been easy to become overwhelmed and let things slide that I’ve normally wanted to moderate properly… and God has strength for us to make a fresh start! Thanks for inspiring me to get back in the swing of things! #RaRaLinkup
Glad we can get back in the swing of things together! Bless you, Christine!
Thanks for stopping by and visiting me, Julie. The reality check for me was seeing my older sister while I was in Chicago. Her husband mentions at times “you look so much like your sis” and while that’s not a bad thing, she has a tendency to feel sorry for herself. That opens the door to a heap of problems! So I too am taking that road to wholeness you mentioned and not beating myself with where I don’t measure up. I got my armor on, love to pray and study the Word and most importantly developing to be “others” minded! Thanks for listening.
Mary
Great perspective, Mary! I’m so glad you shared that here. I’m encouraged by your words and your presence. Being “others” minded helps us keep the focus off ourselves, and on to others. I needed that today. Thank you!
Julie, thanks for your honesty friend. I have been slacking myself in the weight area but your post has given me motivation to get back on that right track. I know my worth isn’t wrapped all up in numbers but it is so easy to think it is.
I understand, Tara. Completely. Glad we can walk this road together in encouragement! Bless you!
Been there more times than I’d like to count…and definitely not just stepping on the bathroom scale. Thanks for the reality check. Blessings!
So glad to see you here, friend. Always a blessing! Much love to you today!
I know of which you speak! 🙂 I’m still working on my own weight loss battle and feel like I’ve stalled off again. Time to reassess where I’m at and get back on the wagon…haven’t gained any but have quit losing and I still have 47 pounds to go. Your post was just the encouragement I need to not stay off the wagon one more day!
Good for you, Holly! It sounds like you’ve made great progress, and you’re again moving forward in being healthy. I’d love to encourage one another in this journey! I’ll be praying for you, friend. Thanks for hosting #TestimonyTuesday!