To be honest, this afternoon I struggled with my new focus of “choosing to be joyful.” I didn’t really want to be joyful. I wanted to be grumpy. I fought back tears most of the afternoon. I felt desolate, alone and empty. Ever have one of those kind of days?
And it didn’t help picking up a tired and grumpy son from school this afternoon. He ended up falling asleep on our way to his dentist appointment. At least it wasn’t my dentist appointment…that would have really topped off my afternoon!
During his dentist appointment I read through some the current book I’m reading…Crazy Love. I needed that. Instead of focusing on being “joyful,” it helped me put my focus on Jesus. I was reminded I’m not alone, even if I feel I am. But still I struggled as I read…due to my underlying attitude. Again…fighting back tears as I read and was reminded of how much He loves me. Love that I don’t really deserve….tears again. I’m sure the receptionist at our dentist office was wondering about me. But she never said a word. She probably knew better…I would have been like a faucet waiting to gush a full blast of water…and she would have gotten the mess.
After his appointment, I sat through Zach’s soccer practice, and enjoyed the breeze coming through the windows of my car. It really was a beautiful day. I’m glad I had grabbed my Bible on the way out the door this afternoon…a peace overcame me as I read some of Isaiah as I sat in the car.
Even though I struggled to be joyful today, I clinged to the One who never changes…the One who is never too busy for me, or never makes me feel inadequate. I’m never alone with Jesus. I needed Him today. Maybe joy will come easier tomorrow as I spend the day at Mission of Hope…that’s usually the case for me. The only way I can have true joy is through Jesus anyway!
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