“After we get married, I’ll change him.”
I’m not sure I ever consciously thought those words, but I think at times I might have felt that way.
I soon found out in the first few months of our marriage, I had as much power to change my husband as I had to rise and set the sun.
Don’t get me wrong, the man I married was and is my soul mate, and it was clear he was the one for me. He’s a wonderful man, husband, and father. I love him with all I have.
I understand many get married thinking they’ll change something about their spouse after the wedding vows and rings are exchanged, and the honeymoon is over.
When the change doesn’t happen, frustration sets in for both, the “changer” and the “changee.”
And then there was our daughter.
Goodness, she’s talented in all she does. She’s smart, wise beyond her years, and beautiful on the inside and out.
When she quit band her Freshman year in high school, I about had a come-apart. I was a band girl when I was in high school. I was drum majorette. I loved band, and everything about it. I wanted her to follow in my footsteps.
But band was not her thing. I quickly realized, if I “forced” her to stay in band, she would have disliked it all the more, and she and I both would have been miserable.
Just because band was my thing, I had no right to make it her thing.
True love is not about changing those we love, it’s helping them be the best they can be.
Who am I to think what I desire for my husband or either of my children is best? That’s God’s job, not mine.
God’s best for them might be completely different than my best for them, and by far, much better. God’s plans for their lives are perfect. Mine are not.
This truth set all of us free.
I now enjoy doing what I can do to help my husband and children be all God wants them to be. To spur them on to follow after God’s plan for their lives. To be their biggest cheerleader and encourager.
Even if it’s different than what I expected or wanted.
Wouldn’t it be great if I did this with everyone? To love each one in my life enough to help them be the best they can be?
Today, this is my plan. To love others in this way.
The best way to love someone.
Care to join me? Instead of trying to change those in our lives, let’s love them enough to help them be the best they can be. Just for today, and let’s see what happens. We may just enjoy it so much to continue to do the same tomorrow.
It’s going to be a great day!
Julie
It’s Day 28 of 31 Days Of Loving God & Loving Others. Thank you for stopping in today. It matters to me that you’re here. Have a blessed day! Linking with my friend Holly Barrett for Testimony Tuesday. Her place is beautiful. I encourage you to check it out!
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Great post Julie, such wisdom and truth. It reminded me of when I spoke on Joy, how I tried to “make” my daughter love Ballet because I did. Guess what? She didn’t love it, she didn’t even like it lol. It did not bring her any joy whatsoever (except maybe the blingy costume, but even that was itchy).
Love how you talk of helping people be their best. So good. I’ll be trying to do better at this for sure 🙂
Hi Doris! I haven’t visited in you in so long. I plan to spend more time catching up on your posts after this 31 days of writing ends. Thank you for being here today! I appreciate what you shared! Sounds like we have similar stories with our girls. God is teaching me through this series! Hope you’re having a beautiful week, friend!
Amen, Julie! I like that optimistic “It’s going to be a great day!” Yes, yes, yes, I am guilty too of trying to change others. Just this week God’s been speaking to me about letting go of control and just lettings things and people BE! (Kind of related to trying to change others.) Thanks for your words.
Betsy, letting go and letting things and people be are a part of not trying to change others, for sure! God continues to work on me with this entire series. Thank you for stopping in today and for sharing. How many hours are you ahead or behind of Central U.S. time? I’ve been wondering that and keep forgetting to ask you. Bless you, friend!
Funny, just last week I told a joke a chaplain told me back when Pedro and I got engaged. It’s about the biggest mistakes brides make on their wedding days. The last thoughts that go through their mind are the aisle they’re getting ready to walk down, the alter where they’ll take their vows, and him–the one they’ll marry. Put them all together and you have a recipe for disaster (Aisle alter him). A corny play on words, but good advice, nonetheless! I’ll join you in the loving without altering today :).
Anita, I love this! This is going to stick with me for some time to come! I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this! It’s been a good day, though. I haven’t tried changing anyone today. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and for visiting and for tweeting! Hugs to you, friend!
Seriously friend, this series is just filled with goodness! It’s one I will need to go back and read again from the beginning. God bless you. xoxo
You continually encourage me, Beth. Thank you! I haven’t visited your place much lately, and I most certainly will more often after the 31 days are done. You have no idea how much your words mean to me! Can’t wait to meet you in person some day soon! Hope your week is going well!